Funny times these cat owners realized their pets might be evil

There are really only two kinds of people in this world – cat lovers and dirty, unwashed savages. But even those belonging to the second group would probably appreciate these fantastic felines and their possibly evil antics. It all started with one man, who wanted to share with the world the plight of owning the World’s Worst Cat, and things kinda snowballed from there…
Going after the weakest link
By day, Christopher Ingraham is an author and the intrepid data reporter for the Washington Post. By night, but also by day, he does something much, much more important – owning the World’s Worst Cat.

The World’s Worst Cat has discovered that he can wake the big people up by barging into the toddler’s room at 6 AM and waking *him* up.
— Christopher Ingraham (@_cingraham) November 6, 2019

Or so Christopher claims, anyway, as you’ll soon see many people offered up their own contenders for that title. As for his cat, his evil is simple, yet effective. Wishing to wake the entire house up at 6am, the cat realized he needed only to scare the life out of their toddler. So he does just that, and then goes off running, satisfied in a job well done.

The agent of chaos
It might take a while to spot the cat in that photo, but believe us – he’s there. This particular evil genius is called Mario (shouldn’t that be Wario, then?). Despite apparently not having any children, his owner had to install child safety locks on all the doors, because he figured out a way to open them and create as much mayhem as possible.

Meet Mario. He’s an evil genius. We’ve had to install child safety locks on all the doors because he figured out how to open the doors and let himself and all the other indoor only cats out. His new trick is to turn the water on at every sink while we sleep. He is why I drink.
— Lisa Marie Akin🌹🔥✌💖 (@LissaMarie630) November 7, 2019

For his next trick, turning on every single faucet in the house was a worthy encore presentation. There’s really no explanation as to why he did it, either, other than because he’s evil.

Pulling the kitten’s strings
In some cases, ganging up on their human is the only possible recourse a cat has left. Or it’s the first possible recourse. Because they’re cats. This particular one is a mom, and she has apparently trained her kitten to attack their human on command when she’s hungry and he – the gall of the man – is asleep.

When my mama cat is hungry and I’m in bed, she sidles up and thumps her tail on me, getting the kitten to attack it and me.
— Joseph Nobles (@BoloBoffin) November 6, 2019

Just imagine being woken up repeatedly to a tiny, furious ball of fur clawing at you. Now imagine that happening every day, and you’re halfway to owning a cat. Well, no one really OWNS a cat but you know what we mean.

Well, with a name like that…
We’re not sure if this cat’s official government name really is “Horrible Henry” but we also kind of really want it to be. Look, if you name your cat that – you deserve whatever he’s doing to you. So what does Horrible Henry do?

Sorry, I have the world’s worst cat…
…Horrible Henry is so bad he spends each night sleeping in his bachelor pad (aka the car) in the garage 🙀
This is what he got up the other day, he attacked a bag of sunflower seeds then knocked over my cup of coffee.
— VOTE 🌊VOTE 🌊VOTE🌊 (@LouiseMorett) November 6, 2019

He starts out the night sleeping in a car, which we suppose isn’t so bad except for the loaded question of how he actually gets into it. Of course, that wouldn’t be living up to his moniker, so he did something a little more on-brand – attack a bag of seeds and knock over a coffee cup. Should’ve named him “Handsome Henry” or something…

No sleep, no worries (some worries)
Before we begin, we’d like to point your attention to the fact that this person’s username says “This cat needs food. Give him all the food.” Have cats evolved opposable thumbs and are now using Twitter? Can anyone check the science on that?

My world’s worst cat would like a moment of your time. I haven’t slept a full night in bed for over a year.
— This cat needs food. Give him all the food. (@MissRiblet) November 6, 2019

Anyway, it looks so adorable, doesn’t it? We’re sure a cute little guy (girl?) like that can’t do that much harm. Oh, apparently they have made it impossible for their owner to spend a full night asleep in bed. We stand corrected.

Some room for improvement
Autumn here dressed her tabby in this ugly Christmas-type sweater, so can she really complain? Apparently, that sweater has given him abandonment issues, as he cries like an actual human baby whenever he’s left outside a room, any room, for point zero zero zero five seconds.

My boy cries whenever he is left outside a room for .0005 seconds. And by cry I mean he squalls. Like a baby.
— Autumn Johnson (@LegallyAutumn) November 7, 2019

One day, science will figure out why cats need to be in any particular room and will absolutely lose their minds if that doesn’t immediately happen, but today is probably not that day.

Why are you here?
During these stressful times of a global pandemic, many people have found themselves having to work from home. Some of those people own cats, and probably all of those cat owners have to deal with what Meghan here is dealing with.

This is what happens if i need to work from home
— Meghan Feeley (@FeeleyMeghan) November 6, 2019

Her cat, probably more than a little miffed about not having the house all to themselves anymore, has taken to just staring holes into her in the hope that it would convince her to go away. It hasn’t worked so far, but we’re sure they’ll keep trying regardless.

Good evening, Mr. Bond
So, here’s the thing with this cat. He stares at his owner, with cold, unblinking eyes, until she feeds him. Honestly, it’s not that unusual – or evil – by cat standards, even if it is a bit unnerving waking up to that.

my evil cat just stares at me like this until i get up and feed him
— lana does not want to vote for joe biden (@AlanaHolly16) November 6, 2019

No, what really puts this one over the edge with us is the photo. Look at him! Lit up from below like that, he looks like a James Bond villain. Wait, does he also have his own cat to stroke? Cat-ception!

Dropping the elbow
A lot of cats take seeing their humans sleeping peacefully as a personal affront against them. And since cats are nothing if not extremely moral beings, they have to right this wrong by waking them up.

My horrible boy climbs the door frame in the dead of night and dive bombs my groin like a pro wrestler 🙃
— John Pearson (@chefjohnpearson) November 6, 2019

Now, this is where they let their creative side shine. Some cats bat their humans, others claw or purr… This cat, though, thinks he’s a Mexican luchador, and performs a high-risk maneuver from the door frame in the middle of the night. We guess we know who the heavyweight champ of that household is…

Getting some just retribution
Anyone who thinks cats are vengeful creatures has it all wrong. They’re not vengeful, they just have a highly developed sense of justice. Now, of course we’re not suggesting that they’re crusading warriors of justice, working to end all conflicts or anything like that.

When cat was much younger, my boyfriend at the time didn’t want him in the bed when he stayed over. So in the middle of the night the cat would go under the blankets, find his feet, bite him and run away. I though it was fair, it was the cat’s bed first.
— Resting Political Face (@SimbaCav) November 7, 2019

No, they don’t care about any of that. They care about justice for themselves, as this cat clearly did when they bit the boyfriend’s toes for daring to leave them out of it. Hey, they called dibs on that bed!

Quite the busy night then
This person’s cat was a simple cat with simple preferences. He didn’t want any diamond-encrusted collars or food made of the finest endangered reindeer. Well, he probably wouldn’t have said no to those things, but that’s not the point. The point is that this cat knew how to have fun, tearing their multiple screen doors, eating other pets’ food and then fighting them for good measure.

My cat would rip the screens open, run through the neighborhood, rip neighbor’s screens open, eat their pets food, fight their dogs, then sit under my window screeching his head off at 3am to be let inside and wake every house around. He was so terrible.
— anisesugar (@anisesugar) November 7, 2019

Then, in a tragic twist, he would discover he can’t actually go back into the house, so he’d wake up what few houses in the neighborhood he didn’t break into previously. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a cat.

Sending some very subtle hints
Before we even address this cat’s evildoing ways, we have to give Kate an A-plus for naming him Aaron Purr, better known as the vice president who ended Alexander Hamilton’s life in an illegal duel… while he was vice president! Man, politics used to be so crazy.

Every day @ 4 am Aaron Purr reaches up & repeatedly bangs the large painting above our bed. When that doesn’t work, he sits on top of the nightstand, looks my fiancé directly in the eye & pushes all of his personal belongings (phone, glasses etc) to the floor until he’s fed. 1/2
— Kate Friedman Siegel (@kateesiegel) November 7, 2019

Anyway, Aaron Purr apparently takes after his namesake in just taking slowly escalating psychotic steps to wake up his humans. In a follow-up tweet, Kate revealed his other tricks include pulling their hair out with his teeth and sticking his nose into their mouths and breathing heavily like he’s Pennywise the Clown. So a pretty average cat, then.

Developing a Pavlovian response
In his famous series of experiments, physiologist Ivan Pavlov discovered the conditioned reflex when he got dogs to salivate at the mere sound of a buzzer that they had previously heard before receiving food.

My old orange tabby Sam figured out if he pushed the glowing button on the power supply while I was playing Xbox live, I’d immediately start chasing him around the house
— W.Arthur Lewis (@TheCoachMcGuirk) November 6, 2019

Of course, he was a mere human, and this guy’s tabby figured it out in a lot less time. His human, apparently, had a conditioned reflex of his own. If Sam wanted to be chased around the house – and he clearly did – he just needed to turn off the Xbox. It’s so simple a dog could understand it.

No no, she needs that there, okay?
Sometimes, it feels like cats’ apparent evil is just of the most simple, everyday variety. They don’t want to end humanity or anything like that, they just wanted to inconvenience their humans in small, yet significant ways. Is that better?

Mine strategically places objects on herself for comfort, and then I can’t move them because I don’t want to disturb her but honestly, how does this work?
— Jessica (@OohLaCLE) November 7, 2019

We think that makes it worse, actually. So here’s this girl, who apparently can’t sleep without resting her human’s belongings against her. Why? How does having a book on her behind help her sleep? The truth is that what helps is probably the thought of her human slowly losing their minds more than anything else.

Guess they’re not just for kids, huh?
This cat’s trendy vest reads, unless we’re way off-base here, “Tricks are for kids.” Considering the orange and black color scheme, it was probably a cute little gimmick for Halloween. But you know what, Heather? You play with fire, you get burned.

Does this look like the face of someone who would lock me out of my house? why yes! It does! Looked me dead in the eye as she flipped the latch on my patio door.
— Heather Small 📙 🖋 (@bigsmallfamily) November 7, 2019

Look how innocent her cat appears! Well, we bet they looked downright angelic when they stared her right in the eyes as they locked her out of the house. So who are tricks for now, huh, Heather? Yeah, that’s right. Not just kids.

Those eyes will be the last thing you see
We just love this particular tweet, and the cat we were introduced to therein. It just represents everything that’s catty about cats. They’ll appear sweet and welcoming, drawing you in with purrs and arched backs.

This sweet looking feline is the reason our friends were too scared to come over to our house for several years. She drew them in and then drew blood when they were within reach.
Now she’s old and the fight in her has dwindled to a mere cold stare.
— Esther Ciammachilli🎙📻 (@EstherCinDC) November 7, 2019

Then, when you actually get close enough to be within striking distance, that’s when they attack. This cat was so good at her job that even in old age, with the fight in her mostly having left, she can still muster an “Come near and you’ll regret it” stare.

He’s only living up to his name
What is it with people and giving cats names that can’t end up being anything else except a self-fulfilling prophesy? This cat was named Chewy, and has done nothing but live up to it since the day he was brought home.

This is Chewy. I shouldn’t have named him that.
He has found that my CPAP hose makes a wonderful toy.
I have pinholes all through it.
I’m going to die from lack of air due to that cat.
— Karen (@bubbasbestbabe) November 6, 2019

Chewy’s human uses a CPAP, or continuous positive airway pressure. It’s a device that allows people with breathing difficulties to breathe easier. It also allows Chewy to chew the hose that comes with it, to the point that it might actually end his human’s life. “Ah, well,” he would then think in his little cat mind, “totally worth it.”

She rules her, that’s for sure
Every so often, owning a cat is a little like being like in a really bad abusive relationship. You’re sure that deep down the other party loves you, and you certainly love them, but they just keep on hurting you. We’re pretty sure that’s what it’s like for Lisa here.

My big cat: pressing my nose like it’s a doorbell, ‘fishhooking’ a nostril with a single claw, clubbing me with her tail, putting her whole paw in my mouth and when all else fails sits in the doorway making a honking “ha!” noise. She rules. 🐱
— Lisa Clare (@lclareuk) November 6, 2019

Her cat seems to physically attack her, and not in a comedic way either, and yet she’s so broken down that she can only muster a weak “She rules.” We’re here for you, Lisa. Blink twice if you need us to call the authorities.

Bilbo would have been proud
First off, we don’t care what this cat did – he operates on the concept of second breakfast, made popular by the Hobbits in J. R. R. Tolkien’s books, and just for that he gets a free pass for pretty much anything.

Worst cat award would have to go to this guy, who smashed our tv because he didn’t get a second breakfast…
— Cabbage (@ThatCabbageKid) November 7, 2019

Except… Yikes, did he really smash their TV set, though? Look, buddy, we love having another breakfast as much as the next fantasy creation, but maybe you should take an anger management class or something. Geez.

Maybe he thinks he’s Aquaman
Usually, cats aren’t the biggest fans of water. They might be okay with drinking it every so often, if there’s literally nothing else available, but taking a bath is simply out of the question.

Ever know of a cat that likes to play in water? Mine splashes it out of her dish all over the floor. Every time I fill it.
My friend said, “Maybe she likes it moving– it keeps it fresher.”
It’s a fountain. With a filter.
— Residual Self Image (@ResidualSelf) November 6, 2019

Perhaps that’s why this person’s cat has taken to turning the entire room into a swimming pool every time their water dish is filled. The fact that its human has invested in filtered water coming out of a fountain just makes the cat’s general air of disdain all the more hilarious.

Swearing eternal vengeance… on bread
Some cats might have an expansive, almost universal outlook on how to commit the most evil acts in life. Other times, though, they have concentrated their hatred with laser-sharp focus. In this particular cat’s case, it’s loaves of bread.

This savage destroys loaves of bread if you accidentally leave them within his reach. World’s worst cat.
— Michelle (@shells_twits) November 7, 2019

He will shred them to bits like they owe him money if you leave them anywhere near him. What has bread ever done to him? Did a couple of marble ryes once beat him up in an alley somewhere? We’ll probably never know.

More magpie than cat
To some people, it might some like having a cat is not unlike being a hostage for about a decade or so. Sure, you fear for you and your family’s life, but eventually you start thinking your captor is an overall nice guy.

This is Dexter. He is a theif. He’s 10 and has been stealing jewelry off our night tables while we sleep since the day we brought him home. Rings, watches, bracelets, you name it. Hidden in the ceiling.
— StacyM (@Stacy_M) November 7, 2019

Case in point – Dexter, whose family had him for ten full years. And in that decade, he has stolen every single thing of value that they owned. Did he sell those valuables on the black market to feed his crippling catnip habit? Nope, he just hid them in the ceiling. Wait, how in the world did he even get up there?!

Are you not hearing this?
Like their canine frenemies, cats also have a problem with delayed gratification. Or, in simple English, you better not make them wait. For anything.

Buddy bangs his plate on the floor to let us know he needs a can of food. Right now.
— The Other Karen (@KAREN698) November 7, 2019

Now, the difference is that while dogs may give you puppy eyes, or let out a small mournful cry, cats will do something like this. Yes, with the animal in the house banging its plate on the floor until it gets fed, it might be easy to forget who the dominant species on this planet is.

Take it in, human
Regardless of anything else, “Mr. Baps” is a fantastic name for a cat. It was probably clear from the off that this cat was destined to do great things, too.

Mr. Baps lays next to my face until I realize I’m inhaling Cat.
— 🌊⚓SaveOurPlanet⚓🌊 (@RiderBabe52) November 7, 2019

Well, if by “great things” you mean get all up in his human’s business until he’s virtually being inhaled by them, then yes, that’s totally what he does. Everyone needs a hobby, but we have to wonder what the end-game here is. What do you want, Mr. Baps? Why won’t you just tell us?!

Never heard him – or anything – coming
They say that no good deed goes unpunished, and it seems like that was true in this instance, even though the good deed in question was performed by an uninvolved human. You see, they were kind enough to cat-sit their friend’s deaf cat, but of course their own feline didn’t like that one bit.

I used to babysit my friend’s deaf cat when she traveled. My World’s Worst Cat would sneak up on him from behind & bat him in the head and run away. WWC also liked to torture my dog and run away, usually up into my Christmas tree.
PRO TIP: trees don’t hold a dog’s weight.
— Karen 200mph 🌊 (@K200mph) November 7, 2019

Uncaring that he couldn’t hear him sneaking up on him, or maybe because of that fact, he would attack him without provocation and then run away. Someone stop cat-on-cat crime. Him also going after the dog seems like an afterthought at this point.

Eyebrows on fleek
Honestly, it’s like sometimes we don’t deserve cats. They’re these beautiful, selfless beings sent to us from the heavens, and we do nothing but weigh them down with our stupid human frailties. Take “Feral Shouting Yam,” if that is indeed their real name.

My cat has decided that my eyebrows need grooming at 3:00am. She is very meticulous and I’m sure she expects me to be grateful.
— Feral Shouting Yam (@pamboy712) November 7, 2019

They would go to the beauty salon and pay hundreds of dollars to get their eyebrows just so. Their cat provided the same service, unsolicited but free of charge, at three in the morning, and they complain. Well, that’s gratitude for you…

If it first you don’t succeed…
Cats have many interesting ways to get their humans to wake up and pay attention to them. This particular cat’s method is clawing at the sheets at six in the morning until she’s told to knock it off.

My cat claws the bedclothes at 6:00 until I tell her to stop. Then she just moves to the foot of the bed and claws harder and faster where I can’t reach her .
— Don Van Deusen (@don_deusen) November 6, 2019

Just to give her human the illusion that he’s in control, she does… Until she moves to the foot of the bed where he can’t reach her, that is. Nothing for it – sometimes humans just need to learn their place in the world.

Spill the unspillable
And now, we present entry number five million and seven in cats’ eternal struggle against the stuff that makes up 70% of the planet. This particular tomcat believes that no water should remain unspilled on his watch, so he has made it his life’s mission to just mess up every water bowl he’s ever had.

This a-hole thinks that all water should be spilt. His week has been spent trying to outsmart this hopefully untippable water dish.
— Kay D (@Kay_Donaldson_) November 7, 2019

Hoping against hope to outsmart him, his humans have gotten him this new device. By the looks of him, he’ll find a way to tip that over too. Don’t worry – he’s got all the time in the world.

Nevermind, too much work
We’re honestly not sure what the “THIS” in this tweet is referring to. We actually like it that we don’t know. It sort of leaves it wide open to be every conceivable bad cat behavior under the sun.

My cat did this for MONTHS at 4 a.m. until I finally figured out it was him and started putting up a baby gate he was too lazy to jump over.
— Hellga at least 6 feet away (@girlhellga) November 6, 2019

Whatever it was, the cat was apparently doing it in secret until its owners finally wisened up and figured it out. Then, they came up with the perfect solution. There was nothing that could possibly stop their little demon… except for its own laziness, apparently.

Luck of the Irish
“O’Dark Thirty” is a fantastic way to describe that precise moment where you wake up, look at the clock, and go, “Oh, God, take me now.”

McGregor here likes to tap my face with his razor sharp claws at O’Dark Thirty when the kibbles have separated and he can see the bottom of the dish. Also likes to bang on the bedroom door while my husband is still sleeping.
— ☘️One of The Poors☘️ (@theBizarb) November 6, 2019

McGregor, who’s apparently Irish we guess, likes to utilize that particular hour to claw at his human’s face for no other crime than his bowl not being completely topped off. It’s not empty, mind you. Not even close to empty, in fact. He can just see the bottom, and that disturbs him on a deep, spiritual level that a human would never understand.

This cat’s name, Luna, comes from the Latin word for “moon.” It’s only too fitting, we suppose, that the moon apparently sends her into a crime spree. Shredding everything she can get her claws on? Check. Knocking random stuff off the counter? Check.

This is Luna. She shreds everything in sight, knocks things off the kitchen table, then proceeds to beat up our other cats every night when she’s hangry.
Her special skills include chewing boxes to shreds and teaching our other cats the fine art of digging through the garbage.
— Jen Hansen 🏳️‍🌈 (@jenhansen31) November 7, 2019

Fighting with the other cats? Check and check! Wait, at the end she says Luna teaches them to root around in the garbage. So… Is that before or after the ritual beatings? Either answer would be disturbing, really.

Just wait until he comes up for air
Even though this cat is black and not red, he seems they have taken to heart the principal rule of communism – ‘what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is also mine.’ His human, God bless her, still believes there are good things in this world.

World’s worst/best cat:
I have to get a cup for me and one for him, and he still goes for mine
— Mikki Helmer (@MikkiHelmer) November 7, 2019

So when she wants something to drink, she also brings a cup for her cat, so he doesn’t feel left out. Of course, how could he feel left out when he has TWO wonderful cups all to himself? Silly thirsty human.

Blast from the feline past
This particular story is for all the old codgers out there in internet land, who still remember what landline phones are. Anyone? Anyone at all? Bueller? Now that all the kiddies have left, let’s talk turkey.

My bad cat story is a bit dated. My prior cat One Eyed Willy, rip, hated it when the phone rang, and learned he could simply knock the receiver of its base to make it stop, often leaving it off the hook for hours at a time. (This was back in the 1900’s, when phones had cords).
— HabitualLineStepper (@AdrianNichols) November 7, 2019

This guy’s cat, whose name was One Eyed Willie and we’d really like to know the story of how he got it, had some kind of personal vendetta against their landline. It’s unclear why, but cats are above such things as “reasons” anyway. So he’d knock the receiver off, leaving them completely inaccessible. Man, those sure were the days, huh?

Long night, huh?
Sometimes, it can be as simple as saying their cat is the World’s Worst Cat for continually swiping their face, presumably without any prior provocation whatsoever.

This guy just swipes my face.
— Lindsay (@lindsayinaustin) November 7, 2019

Honestly, it might even be a bit too simple, leading us to quickly move on, had it not been for that absolute screamer of a photo. Just look at him, in his “draw me like one of your French girls” pose, lying on top of not one but two shoes, to maximize the discomfort he causes even when he’s out cold.

Could he BE any more of a cat?
In this post, it’s the photos that tell the whole story. Well, if a picture is worth 1,000 words, than these are worth 4,000 at least. In one, we have Chandler just hanging over the top of the television as if he was stuffed and mounted there.

Oh, are we talking about the world’s worst cat? Meet Chandler.
— Ashley Holt (@HoltAshleyN) November 6, 2019

In another, he’s hanging onto a lighting fixture by biting it (?!). The other two, where he’s hanging on a Christmas tree and a curtain, then look almost normal by comparison. We’re betting no one told Ashley life was gonna be this way…

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